Hour of Need
by Bazunga
Summary: After Reid discovers the mutilated body of a missing woman he starts to fall apart. What is he hiding from the team?
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N. So with the success of my "Supernatural " Story. I thought I'd tackle serial killers and "Criminal Minds" next. No romance just casefic and friendship. Non CM fans watch this space for another SPN fic soon!**_

_**Warnings: Violence and disturbing content. Let me know if the rating needs to go up. **_

_**Disclaimer I own nothing. **_

_**Hour of Need**_

_**Chapter 1.**_

_"Sandra Falvey. Missing since June 3rd. In her early 30s, white, blonde, slight. Worked in Research at Glaxo Smith Kline. She lived alone, used to jog every evening with her German Shepherd, Harvey."_

Reid thought back to Morgan's briefing. As he knelt in the congealing blood on the concrete floor. Sandra had lived alone, her family in other states, not many friends outside of work. She'd taken some vacation time. Had her dog not been found slaughtered the way it had her disappearance might have gone unreported for weeks.

_Maybe I should get a dog._ He thought absently. Letting his mind wander, out of the hellish room, up through the floorboards where he could hear Hotch and Morgan's feet pacing as they called his name in blind panic. It was strange, they sounded far away.

_Hotch will be mad._

He'd gone off half cocked, without backup, _again._ Boy would Hotch _ever_ be mad.

The thing was... He'd had to go, as soon as he figured out where she was being kept, he'd had to run, because if he didn't... There wouldn't be time to save her. There was no time to wait for anyone. He'd woken up just after midnight with the knowledge he'd been missing, as though all the facts and figures He'd studied in the week since Sandra's disappearance had congealed overnight into certainty.

He had left a message on Morgan's phone, thrown on some clothes and driven like a maniac to Dr. John Ferrin's house.

That kindly man who'd been Sandra Falvey's colleague at the pharmaceutical company for years. It had been her threat to move, he realised, that had been the trigger. She'd wanted to move to Montana to look after her ageing mother. Ferrin was too desperate for control to allow that.

He briefly wondered where the doctor was now. The man would reappear and either turn himself in now that the object of his obsession was gone. Or go looking for another one, probably a women her age, height and colouring.

Reid tried not to look at her. But found he couldn't help himself. She... What was left of her anyway, was chained to the floor spread eagled. naked. All the insides on the outside. Her blood still warm.

He'd been at her for days with a scalpel, made it last. It figured, he supposed. The bastard had worked as a vivisectionist. It was what he'd done to the Dog that had given him the first clue, he realised. The surgical precision. He'd taken everything from her. Her skin, her eyes...Not her tongue though. _Probably wanted to hear her._

_Oh God. _Thought Reid, _ if there is a God... Wherever Sandra is , may she not remember any of it. _

During his years at Cal Tech, several professors tried to persuade him to go into the field of medical research. He'd never wanted to. Couldn't hack the stuff you had to do to rats. The type of thing psychopaths do as children. No doubt he'd taken childish glee in what he'd done here. Reid ducked his head, became aware of his name being called again. He wanted to call out to the team, so they'd know he'd found her. But he just couldn't make a sound.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It had been Emily who'd found him eventually. Rossi covering her as she braved the basement and gagged on the smell of blood, just as he had.

"Reid!" She rushed over and knelt beside him, stifling a moan at at sight of Sandra Falvey's tortured body. He couldn't look at her. He felt her hand on his shoulder but didn't turn to her.

"Reid?" her voice was soft, gentle. He liked Emily's voice. He liked Women's voices in general. He liked women in general and wondered why men like Ferrin hated them so much.

Rossi had called up the basement steps before joining Emily and pulling Reid to his feet. he felt like his hamstrings had been cut. Like he was floating. He couldn't remember getting up the stairs.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Morgan regarded his friend with concern. He'd got the garbled message after he woke up at 5 am.

_"Morgan! It's the guy... The one from her work! Ferrin! It's him! "_

After he'd made sense of it he'd immediately mobilised the team and headed to the guy's house. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't pissed. What the hell had Reid been thinking, what if Ferrin had been there? _They'd have a re-run of Tobias Hankle is what_. He shuddered at the thought.

He approached the couch where a very pale, shaken Reid was staring at his feet. No shoes, just socks, one red and blue stripes, one while... Well the part that hadn't absorbed blood. He hadn't taken the time to put his shoes on. Just run out the door, probably hadn't locked it. Now his feet were sticky with it. The light of an ambulance flickered though the window. _Too late_... Forensics had been called instead.

"Reid!" he said sharply "Look at me pretty boy!" Morgan was kneeling in front of him. Reid looked at him. the kid looked devastated, like something had been taken from him. Morgan hadn't seen that look in his eyes for a long time.

"Reid are you ok? You had us worried."

"I didn't make it in time." He mumbled, swallowing thickly.

Morgan shook his head in exasperation. "God dammit Reid! Do you know how dangerous it was to..." He couldn't finish, just clenched his fist and jaw.

"Sorry." Breathed Reid. "Didn't have time to wait for you... Didn't even put on shoes." He laughed then, at the sight of his own red footprints of the cream carpet. Found he couldn't stop... Couldn't stifle the hysterical sound, too close to sobbing.

Hotch was there then, re- emerging form the basement to check on them. His face stoic as ever, hard to read. _Bound to be angry_, thought Morgan _entitled to be_. Hoping Reid's head wouldn't roll for this.

In any event, Hotch didn't speak to Reid, just observed him calmly for a moment and turned to Morgan.

"He's in shock," Morgan told him. "I'll take him home."

"Your house." Hotch said. It wasn't a question.

"Yeah." Morgan nodded. "Not about to leave him alone."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After Morgan had hustled Reid into his car and driven away, Hotch returned to the basement. Someone from forensics was speaking to Rossi and Prentiss. She thanked the man and walked over to Hotch.

"She died about four hours ago." She told him. "That would have been shortly before Reid arrived." She sighed. " Ferrin shot her in the head and left the house. Reid probably arrived a few minutes later."

Hotch frowned. "How long had he been torturing her?" .

"They estimate about three days." Prentsiss said, looking nauseous. "She was beyond saving at that point, even if he hadn't shot her."

"Unusually clean kill for a sexual Sadist." Hotch observed.

"My guess is that he was planning to skip town for some reason and couldn't take his time... Not that there was much left of her." She added with disgust.

Hotch watched the forensics team at work for a moment. Their usually business like facades crumbling in the face of the atrocity before them. A middle aged fed had to take a break and go upstairs. The man was crying.

"Prentiss. Give the file to me when you get it. I'd rather Garcia didn't have to process this."

She nodded sadly.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2.**

Morgan didn't know what to do. At first he'd thought Reid was ok, if a little shaken. They all had seen more horror than they needed to it was unavoidable. Truth be told it _was_ an unusually awful case, but they had seen worse, including Reid.

He could understand the kid was upset that he hadn't got there in time, but hell... There would have been nothing he could have done to save the poor girl if he had. _Even if we'd found her the day she went missing she'd have been crippled for life by what the bastard did to her. _Morgan thought regretfully. He hated thinking it:

_Better off dead._

He'd thought it too many times in his career.

So he'd taken it in his stride that Reid was quiet in the car, and took a while to respond when he told him they'd arrived. He got the kid inside, sat him down on the couch and gave him a drink.

"Whiskey." He told him. "Drink it."

Reid made no move to even lift the glass.

"Reid?"

Morgan sat down beside him, took a close look at the young agent. The kid looked like he'd been hit by a truck. His breathing fast, he was shaking slightly all over and moving his lips as though he were murmuring under his breath.

Morgan ducked his head to get a look in his eyes. To Morgan's alarm they were swimming with tears.

Reid rarely cried. Not even when he thought his father was a murderer. Hell he was kidnapped and tortured for three days and didn't cry over it.

"Reid are you hurt?" He gave him a gentle shake. "Wake up pretty boy!"

Reid jumped, his eyes widening suddenly. He looked around as though he hadn't been aware of his surroundings until now.

"M... Morgan?" He looked confused. Morgan was worried now.

"Yeah kid. It's me. You need to tell me what's wrong."

"N.. Nothings wrong!" Reid said hurriedly. "I'm fine." He giggled then, but there was no mirth in it, he wiped a sleeve over his eyes. "Sorry, sorry, just tired that's all." He did look tired. Morgan wondered how early Hotch would be calling them in this morning .

"Drink this." Morgan held the glass out to him Reid did as he was told, pulling a face at the strength of the booze.

"Now you tell me what the hell you were thinking before I beat it out of you." He spoke gently, despite his words.

"I um... Well... I woke up and I knew who had taken her."

"You _knew_?"

"Yeah. It all made sense, the Dog... I should have seen it right away but... I guess I was looking in the wrong places. I realised it was _him_ and what he must have been doing to her..."

"And you ran off without shoes." Morgan finished.

"Y... Yeah." Reid looked down at the dried blood on his feet again.

"Into the home of a psychopathic sexual sadist." Reid didn't reply to that.

"And you thought you'd subdue him how exactly?"

"I can shoot Morgan."

"If he disarmed you somehow?"

Reid looked uncomfortable. " I _know_ all right. I wasn't thinking, I just..."

"You just knew what he would be doing to her."

"Yeah."

"And you couldn't wait." Morgan said. He understood. But by God he wished he could have spared Reid four hours alone in that basement.

Reid nodded . Morgan squeezed his shoulder briefly. "You know Hotch is going to tear you a multitude of new ones right?"

"Yeah. I think this might be the last straw." Reid muttered. "He warned me last time."

"You think he'll suspend you?"

"No I think he'll fire me."

Morgan raised an eyebrow at that. He knew Hotch would be reluctant to do such a thing and the team would fight him on it... But he also knew Hotch wasn't upset about the breaches of protocol, or even Reid disobeying orders. It wasn't the issue at all. It was Reid's willingness to throw himself in the line of fire, repeatedly.

_Kid has a Goddamn death wish._

"You'd better get some sleep. I'll get you a blanket." He said getting up.

"Um... Can I use your shower?" Reid asked, under his breath. He was still transfixed by his bloody feet.

"Sure kid." Morgan Sighed. "Towels in the hallway closet."

"Thanks." Mumbled Reid, stumbling his way to the bathroom... "Morgan?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ... Um... Borrow a pair of socks?"

"Sure."

Morgan sat down and squeezed the bridge of his nose, a migraine building behind his eyes. Something was off about this. He had an odd feeling that a storm was heading his way.

Garcia was tearing her hair out. She'd been up since 6 am, just after Morgan had called her and told her they had and ID on the unsub. She'd spent the last two hours pacing the bullpen trying to contact the team, they hadn't replied to her since they'd left.

It was on her tenth try on Morgan's cell that Hotch walked into the bullpen. With a look on his face that chilled her to the bone. She rushed over to him.

"Oh God! Hotch!" She said, with a hand at her mouth. "Please tell me everyone's ok!"

"Its ok Garcia." He told her. "We lost the suspect, he was gone by the time we arrived."

She looked at him critically for a moment, something was off. " The girl?" She asked knowing already.

He shook his head. "She was dead when we got there." He said sadly. "Reid found the body."

"Oh poor Reid!"

Hotch sighed. "Garcia I have a mountain of paperwork to do. Could you let me know when the team get in?"

"Of course." She said "Don't you want me to process the file?"

"No." He replied abruptly. "I'll process this one, thanks." As he took off towards his office, then stopped abruptly. "Garcia? Did you call JJ about any of this?'

'No, I thought you would have..."

"That's... That's ok. I didn't call her last night, thought she'd have a busy enough day today." He concluded.

Garcia felt a chill run down her spine. He was hiding something.

She'd get to the bottom of it. She wasn't one to let sleeping dogs lie, especially when it came to her team.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When the team got in late in the morning, looking wrecked. Hotch called them all directly into his office.

First came Prentiss and Rossi, they looked like they had at least had _some_ sleep. Then JJ, fresh faced but concerned, followed by Morgan and last of all Reid, who looked as though he hadn't slept in a week.

Hotch was agitated.

"JJ I presume you've been briefed?" He asked her.

"Yes." She replied softly. "I read the file."

"Are you ready to face the press?" He looked at her sympathetically. No one wanted to be the one to break bad news to the public.

"Ready as I'll ever be." She muttered, gathering her folders and departing for the conference room.

Hotch waited for her to leave before addressing the rest of the team. "I've processed the case file." He said. "Strauss will want your statements... "I think it would be best if we omit any reference to Reid's premature arrival on the scene. "

"What?" Rossi looked incredulous. "Are you suggesting we give false statements?_ You?_"

"I'm suggesting you weigh the pros and cons of losing one of our best agents." He nodded at Reid, who looked as though he were trying to sink into the wall. "Because, make no mistake Reid, if she hears about what you did... _Again_ she'll get rid of you one way or another."

Reid flinched at his emphasis on the word "again". Hotch could see him cringing under his disapproval, but he didn't feel bad for saying it. If Reid had been any other agent he'd have fired him without a second thought. Part of him wondered if he shouldn't now, for the young man's own good.

He could practically feel the relief in the room, as they filed out Rossi, last to leave, patted his shoulder. "You're a good man Aaron." he murmured.

Hotch wondered._ Am I?_

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A week later and the field Agent's statements were written and handed over to Strauss. JJ told the press and police that there was a sexual sadist out there with a preference for petite blondes. While Garcia searched for patterns.

Patterns in financial transactions that would betray the man, patterns in behaviour. She noticed things about her co- workers. Her friends. One in particular.

Reid was the one she was watching, He seemed withdrawn, which was understandable after finding a mutilated body, she supposed. He was was edgy, nervous, clearly distracted. He actually made mistakes at work.

But it became apparent that everyone else was watching him too. Morgan checked up on him several times a day and he spoke to him in a hushed serious tone instead of teasing him like he usually did.

"You holding up okay kid?"

Prentiss kept bringing him coffee and the funny pages from the paper, trying to get him to smile. She and Morgan both seemed reluctant to let him go home alone at night.

One day she saw Rossi pull a chair over, sit down at Reid's desk and speak to him for some time. Whatever he said seemed to upset Reid. Who got up and walked away without a word, Rossi followed him out of the room. She wished she could hear the conversation.

Hotch was, as ever, vigilant and watchful, and silent.

Reid himself? If you weren't looking for it you would think he'd been having a stressful week. He looked tired and drank more coffee than usual. But she _was _looking and she saw it. A strange , haunted look. She missed his odd humour and the endless chatter. He was so quiet.

What got her alarm bells ringing was that JJ, who was closer to Reid than any of them, didn't seem to realise anything was wrong. She joked and joshed him just as she always had, but there was no undue concern there.

Then it dawned on her... That JJ wasn't _there_. The night the team had been called out, Hotch hadn't called her out.

Then she _really_ started to wonder what happened at that house. Because she hadn't read the file, Morgan had been adamant she shouldn't. "_It was bad baby girl._ " He said. "_Even for us "_

Still, it was her job. Her _right_ to read that file. So if she were to wander into Hotch's office one lunch break and borrow it for an hour it wouldn't hurt anything. Would it?


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3.**

He couldn't focus at all the last few days, every time he tried, images of her would snap into his mind like a slap to the face. One moment he'd be trying to watch video of Glaxo's shocked employees talking about their psychopathic colleague ( Surprise, no one saw it coming). The next he'd be staring into her empty eye sockets again.

He was tired, and he'd been near useless at work all week, Why Hotch hadn't sent him home was beyond him. Well not really, He was pretty sure he was keeping him within arms reach, keeping an eye on him.

Patronising, that's what it was.

Reid, was trying to look busy. He flipped though a file on his desk as Rossi approached, hoping he'd be left alone.

No such luck. Rossi pulled a chair over and sat opposite him.

"How are you holding up Reid?"

Reid didn't look up from his file.

"Just fine Rossi. Thanks for asking." He replied tersely.

"You know." Rossi's voice was low. "I'm surprised Hotch didn't give you some time off."

"Why would he do that?"

"Well..." He continued. "Back in the 70s, when I was a rookie I found a body, a child." He swallowed thickly. " I was assigned six weeks of therapy, mandatory...I guess protocol has changed huh?"

"I don't need therapy Rossi. I'm not a rookie and..." He looked Rossi in the eye. "I'm not an infant. I don't need to be looked after. I can deal with what this job entails..."

"I'm not saying that you can't Reid. Don't get me wrong..."

"... Besides" Reid cut him off. "I cant get therapy, Straus will want too know why."

"So you tell the truth, you found the body of a torture victim, hell, that much is in the file..."

Reid stood abruptly and stormed off. Rossi sat for a moment, mouth agape, before setting his jaw and following him. He wasn't about to let this go.

He caught him in the hallway, reaching out, he grabbed the young man's arm. Reid turned to him, a steely look in his eye.

"Don't touch me please." He said though gritted teeth.

"Reid. Listen carefully.'' Rossi Said, keeping his voice calm. "There's no shame in needing to talk about this stuff. Even if it's only to us... You Got me?"

Reid didn't reply. Just pulled his arm out of Rossi's grip and continued down the hallway and out of the building.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_... The BAU Team entered the premisses at 4.05 am. The house was deserted. Dr. SA Spencer Reid discovered the body in the basement of the building..._

Then there were pictures.

So it had been bad, worse than she'd imagined. So bad she couldn't finish reading the file. Just the photo's were enough to give her nightmares. Poor Reid. She knew how personally he took these things. He probably blamed himself for not figuring it out sooner.

_Still._

She discussed her concerns with Morgan over coffee that evening.

"I told you baby girl. It was a real mess. I'd be shaken up too." Morgan stirred his coffee, thoughtfully. Garcia leaned over the table.

"He fell asleep at his desk again. Third time this week Derek! He's not sleeping."

"Give him time, he'll get over it." Morgan said, he sounded so sure of himself.

"Maybe he should try therapy, you know he's actually _meant_ to get a psych eval after finding a body."

"Yeah... Well he cheats on those and the shrink knows it. Rossi spoke to him about therapy and he wouldn't hear it."

"So what? We sit back and let him have a nervous breakdown? You know I've seen what happens when someone doesn't sleep for a week straight and it aint pretty."

Morgan sighed. "Look, I know ok? I'm worried too. To be honest I'm surprised it affected him this badly. I mean, after everything we've seen."

"He is young Derek, I think we forget that sometimes."

"Yeah... Listen Baby Girl. I'll talk to him. I promise, we take care of our own, we won't let anything happen to him ok?"

"I know hot stuff.'' She smiled ''Thanks."

He smiled back, and just for a moment all was right with the world. Then she asked:

''Did something else happen at the house?''

His face clouded ''What do you mean sweetheart?''

''Anything that wasn't in the file?''

''Don't worry about it Baby Girl." He says. And for the first time, she realised, he was lying to her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Reid had taken to eating by himself on a bench in the parking lot. He used to enjoy the company of the other agents at lunch. But lately he felt like they were watching him, judging.

He knew he shouldn't let his mind even go in that direction, with his mom the way she was. But he couldn't help it. He knew he was projecting the guilt he was feeling. He _knew_ that, but it didn't help.

It hurt. Thinking about it actually felt like a vice in his chest. When ever he thought of the darkness of that basement, a lump rose in his throat and he wanted to scream, wanted to hurt Ferren for hurting her, wanted to hurt himself...

"So here's where you've been hiding."

Morgan's voice cut of his train of thought.

"Hi Morgan." He focused on the sandwich he had no plans to eat.

Morgan sat beside him.

"You know Reid, you look like you've lost 20 pounds this past week. You trying to fit into a prom dress or something?" He joked. Reid smiled a little.

"Little pink number." He murmured.

"Well you look fine sweetheart, no need to diet."

Reid had enough of the teasing and took a bite of his sandwich to shut Morgan up.

"Talk to me kid." Morgan asked, like he'd asked so many times before.

''I'm ok Morgan.''

''No you're not.' He said matter of factly ''Or if you are, you have no right to be after what happened.''

''Part of the job.'' Reid muttered.

''Yeah well there are a lot of parts to this job that no one should have to go through.''

Reid was surprised by the bitterness in Morgan's voice.

"It helps when you win one now and again but... Well... I know the feeling Reid."

Reid said nothing but he didn't storm off either. Morgan took that as a good sign.

"You know, Garcia is worried about you, JJ's starting to worry too. I can tell."

"They don't need to..." Reid said, flicking a crust of bread to some nearby pigeons.

"Yeah they do. They care about you, so they worry. That's what family does."

"Morgan." Reid's voice sounded plaintive, almost desperate. "Please Stop."

Morgan turned his head in surprise at his tone.

"Don't make me talk about it." He continued. "I...I can't talk about it. I just..." He fell silent.

"Its ok kid." Morgan told him, resting a hand on his shoulder. I'm not gonna force you to talk about anything. Just... Just know that you can if you want to... That we all care about you. Ok?"

Reid nodded his head. He was grinding his teeth in an effort to restrain the emotion he was clearly feeling.

Morgan patted him on the back and stood.

"You know where I am." He said quietly before departing the parking lot. Leaving Reid to his thoughts.

_I don't deserve that kind of compassion anymore._

More than anything he wanted Dilaudid. But he wouldn't, that was over, wouldn't help anything, wouldn't undo anything.

Neither would talking. He had the feeing that if he started talking about it, the most vile, poisonous things would roll off his tongue and send his beloved friends running from him.

They could never know. He could never tell them. Hell, he could barely admit it to himself.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

At 7 o'clock the next morning Hotchner was pacing. A call just came in from Garcia. Harriet Mosley, a missing woman in Tennessee, small, in her early 30s, a dead ringer for Sarah Falvey.

He knew that if Ferrin had her it was matter of hours now, the difference between finding her alive or dead. He was dreading breaking it to the team.

Soon enough they filed in. Their faces falling as he gave them the news. Within half an hour they were on the plane. His eyes were on Reid, who sat alone and picked at his fingernails. Dark shadows under his eyes betraying nightmares that plagued his sleep.

_I should have forced that psych eval, or should have done it myself. _He thought. _Too late now._

He approached Reid and sat opposite him. Reid jumped slightly, alarmed.

"Too much coffee, not enough sleep." Hotch told him. Reid nodded.

"I guess so." .

Hotch cleared his throat, unsure of how to approach the situation. "Reid." He said. "I know this is going to be a difficult one for you..."

Reid looked up at him, he continued to tear his cuticles and jog his foot up and down under the table.

"...But you know as well as I do we're going to have to tough it out. We find the bastard, we get the girl away from him and then we deal."

Reid nodded, biting his lip.

"And Reid I _do _mean that, you're going for therapy, privately or through the FBI. You're exhausted and depressed, it's obvious."

"I know." Reid whispered. "I know Hotch. I... I won't let you down again."

Hotch groaned inwardly at that. "Reid you didn't let me or anyone else down. You put _yourself _in danger. Just... Just don't make me worry about you on top of everything else ok? Stay safe."

"Ok." He said, dreamily, looking out the window. He sounded so tired.

"And for God's sake get some sleep while you can." He told him.

Reld closed his eyes and leaned against the window. Hotchner sat in silence. Wishing Gideon was there. He'd have known what to say.

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Morgan read and re-read the case file, trying to build a usable profile of a man who would do such terrible things to another human being.

He read every last detail of the forensics report. An account of her miserable last days, every slow cut of his scalpel preserved for posterity in the grisly record.

He scanned the photographs of the basement for clues as to the man's thought process. Tools of torture had been laid out on a workbench in neat rows.

He scanned the ballistics report, a testament to the man's fear that he would be discovered. He'd have taken more time otherwise. Milked all the pain he could out of her last hours.

He scanned it again.

He felt a chill run through him like a bolt of electricity.

Something wasn't right

Something didn't fit.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They were met upon landing by Harold Statter the local Police chief, a large man in his fifties. he was imposing to look at and loud. He was eager to get their opinions of who might have taken the girl.

They gathered in his office where they found that one wall had been covered in clippings and pictures related to the case, including pictures of Harriet Mosley, the missing woman, and Ferrin himself, out with friends, smiling.

_Such a nice man._

"So!" Statter said abruptly, leaning both hands on his desk. "How can I help you people catch this son of a bitch?"

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It was 1.20 am. They'd interviewed Harriet's parents, and everyone else she knew. Statter had his men scoured half the county. Garcia was cataloguing every known hideout or vacation spot Ferrin had ever been to. Hope was waning.

Reid was tired. He was so tired he could hardly keep his eyes open. He knew it was probably too late to find Harriet Mosley. The thought turned his stomach. But there was still hope of catching Ferrin before he struck again. So he kept going.

He was still at the police station, at the computer, helping Garcia over a video link.

"So he could be anywhere between Bedford County and Carter County, that's a wide area but not so wide we can't narrow it down..." Garcia murmured. Exhaustion beginning to take it's toll on her too.

Reid yawned, and rubbed his stinging eyes, but continued to search the ordinance survey map on-screen. His head nodded slightly as he fought sleep.

"And that's enough work for you." Garcia stated, yawning herself. "I can see you dropping off there Reid."

"N...No It's fine, lets keep going.''

"Reid. Until further notice I am on call but no longer active. I'm taking a nap, so should you." She said flatly.

"But Garcia we have to..."

"We have to work to the best of our ability honey and I'm not firing on all cylinders so why don't you join the rest of the team at the hotel and go to bed?"

"Garcia..."

"I'm right."

"I think..."

"Say it!"

"You... You're right." He admitted. " You are. I'll head back... Goodnight Penelope."

"Night sweetie."

He walked out past a young officer on night duty.

"You need a taxi to your hotel agent?" Asked the cop.

"No, thanks, I'll walk." Reid told him.

The air was cold, as he walked the four blocks back to the hotel, He shivered and pulled his jacket around him. He wondered if She was cold right now, wherever she was. In the unlikely event that she was alive.

He wondered if it made him a bad person that he hoped she was dead. He'd never questioned his fundimental morality before this. Now he questioned it constantly. _Am I still a good person_?

_Is there any such thing as a good person?_

He thought that, with his job, he would have asked that question before. But, if anything, working with the BAU had strengthened his belief in good and evil. Now it was all shades of grey and he wasn't sure if he could take it.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He was surprised to see JJ standing outside the hotel, on the street. She was smoking, lost in thought.

"JJ?"

She looked up and smiled. "Hi Reid. You know, I was about to go to the station and drag you out of there.

"I didn't know you smoked." He said , a little indignant.

She laughed, then coughed. "Yeah well.. I thought I'd given up, then this case..."

"Yeah." He said scuffing the sidewalk with his shoe. "I know."

"It's a tough one." She sighed. "Sometimes I wonder I'm some kind of masochist for staying in this job." He was surprised at her vitriolic tone.

"Me too." He replied.

"You should get some sleep Reid, you look like a ghost. " She told him. He nodded and left her to her thoughts.

"You shouldn't smoke!" He scolded her as he passed.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Morgan was asleep already, Breathing softly in the other bed. Reid hoped he wouldn't wake him. Morgan hated rooming with him because he talked in his sleep. It was humiliating but he had no control over it.

Sleep didn't come, and didn't come and didn't come, as though someone kept switching on a light bulb in his head.

He looked at his watch on the nigh stand, the luminous hands told him it was 2 in the morning. If he didn't sleep he'd be no good to anyone. So he got up.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

JJ found him sitting cross legged on the second landing as she ascended the back staircase. The elevator was out of order, so she has to walk the three flights to her room. He was drinking a tiny bottle of Tequila. He had lined up the empty contents of the mini bar beside him on the carpet.

"Reid?" She asked, nonplussed. "What are you doing?"

"Can't sleep." he explained, struggling to focus on her.

"So you thought you'd drink yourself to sleep? That's not very healthy."

He pointed at her and laughed, a little too loudly. "Says the smoker!"

She shushed him gently and smiled. Sitting beside him.

"Spence, why are you having trouble sleeping?" She asked him outright. "You've been like a zombie since ..."

He froze. " I don't want to talk about it." He said abruptly.

"Spence..."

"I said I DON'T want to talk about it JJ!" He snapped, trying to rise and storm off. His legs wouldn't work,and he staggered into the wall and leaned on it.

JJ clicked her tongue and supported him as he slid down the wall and came to rest beside her on the carpet.

"Sorry! Shouldn't have yelled at you." He whispered. "I'm drunk." He explained helpfully.

"Spence, you need to talk about this before it really messes you up."

"No...No JJ I can't..I... can't talk about it." He said shaking his head.

"Why not?" She asked gently, putting and arm around his shoulders.

"You... You don't know... You don't know how bad I am..." He whispered shakily.

"Spence?" JJ's voice rose in concern. " What does that mean?"

"I'm a bad person." He murmured, then his face crumpled and he burst into tears. JJ gasped and pulled him into a hug, He sobbed silently into her shoulder.

"No, no you're not a bad person, not at all! You're one of the best people I know Spencer!" She said, rubbing his back. "How can you say that? You _help_ people!"

He shook his head burying his eyes in her shoulder. Whispered into her hair.

"Not anymore."

She pulled him closer, wondering what in the world had her dear friend so upset. After a while he stopped crying and rested his head on her shoulder, he wasn't asleep but wasn't exactly awake either. She removed the rest of the miniature bottles that clinked together in his pockets. She didn't like him drinking this much.

They weren't from the mini bar. They were smaller, and sealed with foil. Medical. She'd seen them before.

Dilaudid.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Well here's your answer folks. it was probably painfully obvious to some of you. I hope its not an anticlimax.**

**Chapter 5**

Hotch was woken by his phone, He blinked a couple of times, it was barely light outside.

"Hello?"

"Hotch."

"Morgan? What is it? " He asked with a yawn. "What time is it?"

"It's just after six. Sorry to wake you, we have a problem."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Morgan let Hotch in, JJ was sitting on the bed with Reid. Who was stock still and silent, staring at the floor. It frightened Hotch to see him looking so dejected. It was as though he had shrunk somehow.

Morgan was really worried about how Hotch would react. He and JJ had spent the last couple of hours talking to Reid, alternating between fear, disappointment and anger. He wasn't sure if Reid cold take anyone else telling him off right now.

Hotch pulled a chair over and sat in front of Reid.

"Reid... Is it true? Are you using again?"

Reid shook his head. "Told them" He said, his voice hoarse. "Didn't take any."

"You bought it but you didn't take any?"

Reid nodded. "Bought it earlier..."

"But you hadn't used it yet?" Hotch's voice was gentle, there was no anger there, just concern.

"No."

"But you were going to."

Reid frowned. "I...I don't know."

"Reid you bought the stuff, as an ex addict it was only a matter of time before you used again. " Morgan interjected.

Reid looked at him earnestly. "Morgan you have to believe me I didn't!"

"Oh okay Reid, I'll trust any damn thing you say after this!" Morgan threw up his hands, pacing the room like a pissed off tiger.

"Morgan." JJ sighed.

"What JJ? Do you believe he's clean and sober? You've seen how he's been acting lately! Hotch?" He turned to his boss for support.

Hotch hadn't taken his eyes of Reid's face. "I believe you." He told him.

"Reid looked genuinely shocked. "You do?"

"I don't think you've been using and I don't think you're lying now." Hotch said. Morgan snorted at that. JJ gave him a sharp look.

"I do think you've been keeping secrets though."

Reid paled, shifting uncomfortably on the bed. No longer looking his boss in the eye.

"And that's my fault." Hotch said. "I thought it was more important for you to keep your job than your sanity, Reid, I'm sorry for that. It was foolish and selfish of me."

"It wasn't you... Not your fault." Reid whispered, almost inaudibly. "_You_ didn't do anything."

"No..." Replied Hotch. "No Reid. I didn't file an accurate report. I knowingly committed fraud to protect you from being fired, and because I covered up what happened you couldn't get help."

JJ looked at Morgan in confusion. Reid's bit his lip, obviously wanting to say something but too afraid to.

"Reid, I processed the file..."

Reid's breathing became fast and panicked. He looked like he wanted to sink right through the bed. JJ tightened her arm around him.

"Would one of you mind explaining to me just what the hell you're talking about?" She asked the room at large.

Morgan thought Reid was going to have a panic attack. He started shaking and hyperventilating. Until, in an uncharacteristic show of feeling, Hotch put a hand on either side of the young man's face and looked him right in the eye.

"Calm Down Reid, It's all right. It's just me and JJ and Morgan here, you know you can trust us. Why don't you tell JJ what happened the night you found Sandra Falvey?"

"What?" Squeaked Reid. "I can't!"

"It's ok Spence." JJ said gently, taking his hand in hers. "There's nothing you can't tell me, you know that."

Reid made no sign of talking, so Morgan told her.

"I got a message from Reid that Ferrin was the unsub. He'd already left for the house without backup. In fact by the time we got there he'd been there for a few hours by himself, in the dark, With the body."

JJ inhaled sharply. She knew he'd been the one to find the body, she knew this was a gruesome case but Reid had discovered bodies before and not reacted like this. Now things started to make sense.

"Spence? You were alone in the basement? For all that time?" She asked softly.

Reid shook his head. He suddenly looked very young.

"Not alone." He whispered.

"What do you mean honey?" Asked JJ. "Who else was there?"

Reid screwed his eyes shut and bowed his head. "Sandra." He breathed.

JJ looked from Hoch to Morgan in confusion. Understanding dawned in Morgan's mind and he suddenly felt like he was an inch away from bursting into tears himself.

"Reid?" Hotch asked, his voice calm, "Was she alive when you found her?"

"Yes." Reid whispered, tears dripping into his lap. Hotch put a hand on Reid's arm.

"What had he done to her?" He asked.

"Everything." Sobbed Reid. "Y... You read the report. She was... cut open, vivisected and left to die... Ha... Half skinned..." He winced "...No _eyes_...He left her tongue." He said with disgust. He looked nauseated at the memory.

"So she could speak?" Hotch asked, trying to hide his horror.

Morgan felt sick and dizzy. He tried not to look at Reid, his face a picture of pain, and JJ who was crying. He could hardly breathe. _A revolver with a 3 inch barrel._

"Not much... Not after all that." Reid replied, swallowing the lump in his throat.

"But a little?"

"Yeah. A little." Reid choked out.

"Did she speak to you?"

Reid nodded. Hiding his face in his hands.

"What did she say?"

Reid shook his head and wouldn't look up.

"Spencer? what did she say to you?"

" I ran to her and... She thought I was _Him, _she couldn't see, and I didn't know why until I saw what he'd _done. _I knew we couldn't save her, too much damage... Even moving her..._." _He moaned and shook his head.

"I knelt next to her, and the floor was covered in blood... I told her I was FBI, that he wasn't going to hurt her anymore." His voice was muffled by his hands. "Then she... Oh God!... She sad she _hurt..._She asked me to... "

He gasped, as though it hurt him to say the words... "Shoot her!"

JJ jumped slightly. As though she'd just realized what Morgan was weeping about in the corner.

"So you did." Hotch concluded.

Reid nodded, continuing in a half strangled whisper. ''One shot...Back of the head... F...Fast.''

He leaned into JJ as though he had no strength in his bones. Shaking like a leaf.

"Reid?" Hotch asked a final question. "What were you going to do with those two vials of Dilaudid ?"

"I don't know!" Reid cried. "I... I'm here, and she's not and it's because of me!" He dug his nails into his palm until they drew blood. JJ gripped his wrist.

"Stop that!" She murmured. "Stop it. You did the right thing."

Reid looked up, devastation in his eyes. "I killed her! "How does that make me any better than_ him_?"

Morgan approached the bed and sat on the other side of Reid. He clamped a hand on his shoulder.

"You ended her pain! You said it yourself, there would have been no saving her. Only a slow, horrifyingly painful death."

" I...I never thought I would be capable of that... I..."

Morgan cut him off putting his arms around the kid. "I would have done the same thing."

Hotch didn't know how upset he was until he looked down at his hands and saw that they were shaking. The moment he'd read the balistics report he'd suspected. But by God he'd hoped so badly that he'd been wrong. He knew beyond a doubt that they had to find the monster who tortured that poor woman. They had to save the next one. For Reid's sake as much as for her's


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: I'M SO SORRY! It's been aeons! Life decided to kick me in the nuts and then grind me to a fine paste and I couldn't write anything for months. But I'm back! I'll try and update more frequently.**

**Chapter 6:**

She squeezed her eyes shut against the sudden, painful light. She didn't know how long she'd been in darkness but now she wished for it. Darkness meant she was momentarily safe. Light meant he was back.

She heard him pacing the concrete in front of her. He'd start talking soon, debating with himself. Again.

"Not her, Not her." he muttered. "But they're all the same! What? " He asked his own hands, thrown open in appeal. " You think she was a one off? Bitches! They're all the same. You help them, you help and you're_ there_ for them and you're _nice _to them and do they show you any gratitude? No! They don't want you, they only want you as a" friend". They only like assholes. Not nice guys like me!

"Isn't that right! "

He turned to her and she flinched against the wall, where she had been chained, her arms stretched above her head.

" You like bad boys don't you? Huh? You like_ this_?"

He slapped her hard and she cried out.

"Yeah... No gratitude you bitches. I _helped_ you at work! I was nice to you I bought you flowers and I offered to help you move and I was a good friend and what do I get? Nothing!"

"I'M NOT HER!" She screamed at him. I DON'T KNOW YOU!"

He turned on his heel and stared at her.

"I'm not her!" She repeated.

He smirked. "You're _all_ her." He stated calmly, as he walked towards the door, " and you'll know me soon enough. " He turned off the light on his way out.

She blinked tears out of her eyes. As she slipped into the black. "God... Please God. Someone help me!" She muttered through cracked lips.

"Reid? "

Garcia squinted at the screen. She'd been expecting the young agent's groggy morning face.

"Hi Penelope."

"Emily? I thought you..."

"Reid's sick hon. Hotch says swine flu."

Garcia put her hand to her mouth. "Oh my poor baby! Is he ok? I mean is there anything I can..."

"Pen.." Interrupted Emily "He'll be fine. He just needs to sleep it off. Doctors orders. I'm covering for him today. He might be allowed to do some work tomorrow, depending on how he's feeling. "

"I knew he was looking run down." Garcia said regretfully.

"Yeah, he's okay though Sweetie. We're taking good care of him. So don't worry."

"Chicken soup and Advil?" That was my mom's cure all."

"You bet. "Emily replied, with a forced smile, she as worried too. "I'm gonna have to go hon, the case won't wait."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Reid was still asleep._ Good _thought Hotch as he crept out to join Morgan and JJ in the hallway. He knew that they needed Reid. He should be with the team, time was of the essence. But right now he was happier to know Reid was finally getting some rest.

Truth be told Hotch wasn't sure if Reid would be able to work on this case, or any other, again. He had no idea how the events that lead them to this awful situation would affect the young man's future.

"Is he asleep?" Asked Morgan.

"Yeah." Sighed Hotch. "I don't think I need to say that this should probably stay between the three of us for now?"

"Of course." murmured JJ. Who was still clearly shaken by the revelation. "It's a given. I told the others he had flu ."

"He's in one hell of a legal grey area right now Hotch." Morgan said grimily. "And so are we."

"You and JJ are under no legal pressure." Said Hotch. " I, on the other hand, falsified official documents and Reid... No! this is all on me" He said. looking back at the door for a long moment. "We have to persevere with the case and find that girl before it's too late. Morgan , I've sent Rossi and Prentiss to check likely hideouts with Stutter. You'll be needed at the station today, they've flown in the suspect's mother, we might be able to get into his head with her help. JJ, if you could stay with Reid until we get back? He's more comfortable with you..."

She nodded sadly. "I'll try and get him working on the profile."

"Don't pressure him though." Hotch replied. Morgan and JJ exchanged a glance. It wasn't often that Hotch sounded uncertain.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He stared at his knees, still under the sheets. His face carefully, infuriatingly blank.

"Reid. I know you heard me."

Reid stopped grinding his teeth and took a deep breath.

"I know JJ... I can't help you. I... I can't trust myself." He swallowed the emotion that threatened to overwhelm him. His whole body shaking with it.

"Reid." She said softly. " You're not like him. You must understand that?"

Reid shook his head slowly. " I thought I was doing the right thing. I justified it, and I did it... Just like he's probably doing right now." He grimaced, resting his forehead on his knees.

JJ sat on the foot of the bed.

"If you hadn't done it... Reid are you listening to me? If you hadn't done it, what do you think would have happened?"

Reid looked up at that. Frowning in confusion. "I..."

JJ cut him off "Have you ever put a pet down Reid?"

Reid didn't reply, but his posture stiffened.

"It's human nature. We can't allow other living things to suffer like that. We euthanise our pets out of love. Do you know how many doctors allow terminally I'll patients lethal doses of Morphine in the name of mercy? Of course you do, you could probably quote me a statistic. It might not be legal, but it happens. You know that."

"Stop!"

Reid was stiff as a board now. His eyes were wide, aggravated. He looked like a raw nerve. He rose from the bed and stood, clutching the wall with one hand, as though he were about to collapse.

"Stop it!" He gasped . " Don't you... Don't liken her to an _animal!_ Don't make excuses for me!" He hissed at her, pointing his finger aggressively.

"At what _point _JJ? At what point does the doctor make that call? _When_? When they start to have trouble breathing? When their vision goes, when... The first time they scream in pain?"

"Reid..."

"No... No tell me when did it stop being murder? Was it after he beat her? Raped her? The first cut to her abdomen? After he started to skin her? Or maybe when he gouged out her eyes? Tell me JJ! When did it become appropriate for me to make that call? At what point did it stop being murder and start being mercy?"

His teeth knocked together, his jaw trembling uncontrollably. She, got up, moved to sit beside him, reached out and gripped the young man's arm.

"Calm down." She said looking him in the eye. "Spence, you listen to me! You live in your head. You're an intellectual. Thats fine. But _don't_ do this to yourself. This wasn't an intellectual decision, you _felt_ it!"

"S... So did _he_!" Reid choked out, he sounded so confused.

JJ rubbed a circle on his back, letting him bury his face in her shoulder.

"_He _didn't feel what _you_ felt."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She was attractive, had a good body for her age, obviously made and effort with her appearance.

Her husband had died some years ago, when her son was only 6. She'd raised him alone, working long hours and leaving him by himself a lot, but they'd still been close. Before his sudden flight he had called her weekly, if not daily.

The woman had not been co-operative. Refusing to speak at all. Morgan stood and leaned on the table, watching her face closely as he spoke to her.

"Mrs Ferrin You are aware that your son is in a lot of trouble aren't you?"

"Of course!" She spat. "Of course I'm aware of that... _Agent_." She said the word with such scorn that Hotch, on the other side of the one way mirror. Raised his eyebrows in alarm.

"So then you know this isn't they kind of trouble he can diminish with a plea bargain or by turning himself in." Morgan stated flatly. "You know then that when we catch him, and make no mistake we will, he's going away for a long time, if he doesn't get a death sentence "

She studied her fingernails. She looked almost bored. Taking out a small emery board she began to file them.

Morgan was getting more irritated by the moment, though he was determined not to let it show. He slid a photograph across the table. It was of the crime scene. Of the mutilated body.

"Sandra. " He told her. "It took her _days _to die."

The women looked at the picture disinterestedly for a moment. Then went back to filing her nails.

"Mr's Ferrin, you can't save your son by keeping quiet. But you might be able to save an innocent girl by speaking up." He slid another picture across the table. This one of a smiling blonde.

"Harriet...She might still be alive Mrs Ferrin... You might be able to save her."

She looked up at Morgan then. A smile curled her lip. Morgan felt a little sick.

"You don't have children do you Agent Morgan?" She said, with a calm, reptilian glare. For the first time in many years, Morgan felt like a mouse being sized up by a snake.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7:**

That evening Reid sat at the hotel desk, pretending to go over Morgan's case notes while the rest of the team milled around the room in quiet discussion, Hotch, Morgan and JJ studiously trying to avoid looking at Prentiss and Rossi,who shrugged at each other, wondering where the sudden tension had come from.

He chewed obsessively on the end of a pencil. Every time he let his mind wander for a few seconds, what he'd done would come back and slap him in the face.

_Killer_

_Murderer_

_That's what it feels like to murder someone._

He wondered what the hell psychopaths saw in it. How far gone as a human being you would have to be, to _seek that experience out._

He felt hollowed out, like something was missing at his core. Like he had destroyed something precious that he would never get back.

Having no leads on Ferrin, the team had begin profiling the man's mother. Morgan had been shaken by the woman, that was for sure. He seemed upset that he hadn't been able to get a full grasp on her profile.

"Borderline?" Prentiss suggested. Clicking her pen.

"No, too collected, cold."

"So what? Sociopath?"

"Well, yeah, she probably is but there's something... Something else." He bit his lip. "I just have a feeling that if we corner this woman we'll have a better understanding of her son.

"You think she knows where he is? Asked Rossi.

"She's not from here but its possible. " Hotch cut in. "There would be no way of getting the information out of her if she did though. Whatever personality disorder she has, she still seems determined to protect her son."

"God Dammit." JJ sat on the edge of the bed " How much time do we have?"

"It may be too late already." Prentiss replied." He's disorganised, probably just a beginner, so It's hard to predict, but his previous victim? He started attacking her within 24 hours of capture."

Reid's pencil snapped in two. Five faces turned to him.

"You ok?" Asked Prentiss. You want a Tylenol or something?" She knew what it was like to work on a high stress case when you were sick.

He didn't reply, just stared at the papers on the desk in front of him.

_Blank, drawing a friggin blank at a time like this!_

_After what you did._

He stood suddenly and pushed the chair aside, he marched out of the room, slamming the door.

"Spence!" He heard JJ's worried cry behind him, he walked swiftly down the hall, she didn't follow.

What the hell was that? Rossi asked the room, frowning at the shifty glances of the others.

"Well? What's going on with boy wonder? He's usually all over the profile."

"He's taking this one hard." Morgan explained.

"We need him." Murmured Hotch. "He can't bow out on us."

"Give him a break Hotch." Morgan shot back. "He needs space."

Hotch appeared to mull that over for a moment, the shook his head.

"No."

He picked up his jacket, "I'm going to find him. I don't want him alone." He explained as he exited the room. Leaving the team to their puzzle.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It's' suddenly bright . It hurts her eyes, she tries to scream but her throat is too dry to make a sound.

She feels a straw at her lips and eagerly swallows the water he offers . She can feel his hand in her hair. His thumb caressing the back of her neck.

"Can't have you dying on me." He whispers. "You drink up."

She doesn't have the energy to shudder when she feels his hand crawl up the back of her blouse. His fingers cold against her feverish skin. She knew this was coming, just a matter of time.

_Go somewhere else_, a voice in her head tells her .

_Go far away... Disappear completely._

_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

Sylvia Ferrin smiled at The agent , redicioulsy young. A rookie, she guessed. She'd been pulled back to the interrogation room again for_ this_ pipsqueak?

"Wheres the guy from earlier? " She asked, smirking, "I though we had a rapport?"

"I'm here now." He murmured.

"Shouldn't my lawyer be here?" She asked.

He cast a nervous glance at the two way mirror.

_This is going to be fun_, she loved manipulating these idiots, it was too easy.

"So agent." She grinned. She could see that he was just as perturbed by her manner as the last one. "How did a baby like you end up here? Are you an intern or something?"

He said nothing, just observed her from under nervously furrowed brows.

"You scared of me honey?'' She asked softly, don't worry I wont bite."

He leaned back in his chair slightly and didn't say a word.

"Oh, I see." She smirked "You're psyching me out, hoping I'll start talking out of nerves, give something away. Well it won't work honey." She raised her eyebrows in mock innocence "I'm not that stupid."

"No." He said, clearing his throat. "No you are not. " That's why I'm here on my own today." He said softly. Leaning forward. Suddenly the air of nervousness evaporated and the man looked at her with steel in his eyes.

"No one knows we're here Sylvia." He whispered in a conspiratorial tone. "There's no one behind that mirror." He was serious.

" You can't do that." She sad quickly. I'll scream for the guard."

"Oh him? The young man said dismissively. "I gave him a fifty and told him to get coffee." He leaned forward." So between you and me... What do you think your son is doing right now?"

She stiffened, drawing herself up in her chair. "This is illegal." You can't question me without witnesses and council present."

"So you know the M.O. then? " He said. "Good for you, Thing is, I don't care about protocol right now. You know what I _do_ care about Sylvia? A girl named Harriet getting _raped_. The timing would be about right, inferring a similar pattern for your son's previous victim. Then tomorrow he'll start skinning her from the feet up."

He paused, gauging the woman's face for a reaction.

An angry glare.

"What do you suppose that feels like Mrs Ferrin?"

"Was that a _threat?_' She scoffed. "You don't scare me little boy."

"Oh I know, nothing scares you." He said , smiling mirthlessly. "You think you're invincible... You know for a while I thought you were just a run of the mill sociopath, but now that I see the Malignant Narcissism It's going to be a lot easier to get this done."

"What the hell are you talking about?" She hissed. Feeling truly insecure for the first time since he walked in.

"You are an extension of your son, or rather, _he_ is an extension of _you_. You see everything in life only as it relates to you, and he's your biggest ego trip. You support what he did to Sandra ... Because she rejected him and by extension _you."_

She was silent now, unsure. She watched him as he stared her right in the eyes, unflinching.

" You know where he is." He said. "And you're going to tell me."

"And how are you going to make me Junior?" She laughed. "Beat a confession out of me?"

"No." He said matter of factly. Fishing in his pocket. "I'd prefer not to get my hands dirty. "

He drew out a gun and pointed it at her.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8:**

It didn't take long for Hotch to ascertain Reid's whereabouts. There were only so many places he could have gone, excluding the airport. But he was still nervous on entering the station. If he wasn't there... Well then he was either on a plane home or he'd found a bridge to jump off.

It was late, this was a small town. The station was quiet, two officers at the front desks, doing paperwork. Hotch asked them if either of them had seen any of the agents . One of them, a middle aged woman, pointed absently down the hall.

"Yeah your young one came in to interrogate the Ferrin woman again."

Hotch moved swiftly up the hall. There was a young guard at the door, couldn't have been much older than eighteen. He leaned against the wall and tapped his foot nervously.

"Sir?" The kid straightened up.

"Did agent Reid bring Sylvia Ferrin in?"

"I...I think so sir. I haven't looked."

"What do you mean? Weren't you the one who bought her here from her cell?"

"N...No sir, that was Havelock, he asked me to cover for him for a few minutes while he stepped out. "

"That's all right." Hotch reassured the boy. "Who's in observation?"

"Um... No one sir."

Hotch felt a chill run down his spine. He nodded, opening the door to the observation room as quietly as he could and stepping in.

"You are an extension of your son, or rather, he is an extenuation of you. You see everything in life only as it relates to you and he's your biggest ego trip. You support what he did to Sandra ... Because she rejected him and by extension _you. _

The woman looked stricken, affected for the first time Hotch had seen. The bravado was gone. He watched curiously, what angle was Reid playing?

" You know where he is, and you're going to tell me where."

The woman scoffed at that. But Reid didn't waiver.

"And how are you going to make me Junior? Beat a confession out of me?"

Hotch nearly cried out when Reid drew the gun. But stopped himself. He knew he should be putting a stop to this but something made him hold back.

Reid reached into his coat and produced a silencer, screwing it onto the barrel.

"Wouldn't want anyone interrupting us." He said softly, without a trace of irony.

the woman paled, her eyes on his hand. " Shoot me..." She began "and I wont be telling you anything."

"You're assuming I'm threatening to_ kill_ you." He said softly. "Tell me Sylvia, have you ever been shot?" He asked her. "I have, and _trust_ me. All it will take is one bullet in the right place, and you'll tell me anything I want to know and more besides."

Hotch shuddered at how clinical he sounded, cold. He wouldn't would he? This was Reid. Did he... Have it in him?

But of course he did, when it was necessary. He'd proven that. Hotch stared through the mirror. The choice clear, bust in and expose Reid's highly reckless and criminal behaviour, arrest him and doom the girl.

Or let him get his answers.

In the moments that he waited, he felt sweat drip into his eyes, felt the dull thud of his own heart, held his breath. Reid didn't move a muscle, his eyes never wavering from the woman's.

_Would he?_ Spencer Reid, arch intellectual. Would he be _more_ or _less_ likely to subscribe to the _"ends justifies the means" _philosophy than a more impulsive, emotional person?

"Well? Reid asked her. "I'm waiting."

For a moment Hotch wasn't so sure, and neither was she. So she cut her losses and told him.

"There's an empty farm house on the outskirts of town..."

Hotch saw Reid's shoulders sag in relief. In that moment he breathed again.

_Thank God, thank God. _

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After Reid put his weapon away and transcribed the address into a notebook, he turned his back on the woman, walked out into the hallway and promptly collapsed onto his knees. Much to the surprise and concern of the young police officer keeping guard.

"Sir? Sir! Are you ok?"

Hotch rushed out. "He's ok, You can take her away now and tell The chief to send officers to this address..."

Reid barely registered Hotch exiting the observation room and jumped at the hand on his shoulder. When the younger man looked up and made eye contact, Hotch knew he didn't need to berate him for his actions, the regret was apparent. But so was the relief. Hotch opened his phone and gave Morgan the co-ordinates.

"Get up."

He said in a clipped tone, helping the young agent to his feet. He half dragged Reid down the hallways and out of the building, opened the passenger door of the SUV and practically threw him in.

The drive to the city limits felt to Hotch like slow motion. He knew chances of the girl's survival weren't good. A large part of him wanted to take Reid back to the hotel and as far from the crime scene as he could get. But he knew, Reid would need closure more than any of them. And he'd get it, one way or another. Plus he didn't want to leave him alone, even for a moment, in his current mindset.

He didn't know what to think of his youngest agent. Given the events of the day Hotch was, shamefully, beginning to wonder about the manifestation of genetic Schizophrenia. He glanced as the passenger seat. Gone was the confident , cold man from the interrogation room. Reid was slouched, his arms wrapped around his shoulders, trying to disappear into the seat. His eyes firmly on his knees.

"Reid?" Hotch began

"Am I fired?" Reid cut him off quickly.

Hotch froze, focusing on the road, he didn't reply.

"I mean ...I threatened a suspect with torture and waved a gun in her face. I am, of course, fired. Stupid question. "

"Reid.." Hotch muttered under his breath.

"It wasn't loaded, in case you were wondering. "

"Reid!" Hotch snapped, watching the young man jump out of the corner of his eye. "Just... Just be quiet ok? I don't... I don't know what to do with you right now."

Reid nodded curtly.

_I __**should **__fire him, _Hotch thought, _keep him off the case at least... But if she's alive? Then his recklessness saved her where procedure, police work and even profiling couldn't. So what then? _

By the time they arrived at the location, the houses' door had been busted in and there were two squad cars and an ambulance outside.

Hotch turned to Reid.

"You stay here." He told him in a tone that allowed for no argument. "Don't you dare move." He added for emphasis.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Morgan Lead the S.W.A.T team's ambush of Ferrin's hideout. The windows had been boarded up and the place seemed utterly abandoned save for the telling buzz of a generator out back. The entire building was bare inside except for the kitchen, which is where they found him, cooking over a hot plate.

They took him by surprise and he had no time to reach for his weapon before three heavily armed cops had him pinned to the ground.

Hotch arrived shortly afterward, running into the house looking like he'd driven through several graveyards of ghosts on the way over.

"Hotch?" Prentiss greeted him at the door. "We got the bastard. No sign of the girl though." She looked jittery.

"You search the whole house?"

"In the process now." The basement seemed the obvious place but no sign down there."

"

"Where else could he be keeping her? It cant be far."

Hotch signed. He took out his phone and dialled Reid. No answer.

"Shit." He breathed as he ran to the door, only to find Reid wasn't in the SUV.

"Damn!" _It' like dealing with a child. _He thought angrily. _This is all I need. _

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ferrin was lead out of the house in cuffs and forced, none too gently, into a squad car before being driven away. As he watched them exit the house Reid held his breath. He was chubby, small, unassuming looking, a baby faced man who, no doubt kept to himself. _A nice, quiet guy. _

Reid wanted to walk out of the car so badly. He had to grip the dashboard with both hands. He wanted to beat the man into the ground until there was nothing left to beat.

After they drove off, he steadied his breathing and thought of the girl. He focused on the door, hoping against hope that she would appear, alive and surrounded by agents.

_"_Please, please, please!_ " _He breathed.

Reid could tell by the coming and going of police from the front door that they had yet to find her.

_Not inside... He wouldn't leave her unattended for long, she's either somewhere close or... Or he's finished with her. _

Maybe they were too late, maybe they should be looking for a body.

His eyes scanned the yard , staving off panic, he enumerated the number of places one could hide a body near by. The falling down garden shed was too obvious. on the ground beside it lay a sheet of rusty corrugated iron, ostensibly from the roof of the shed. It lay haphazardly and nearly hidden in the long grass, that had grown into a meadow while the house stood abandoned.

Except for the distinct trail , leading from the front door to that piece of iron. Someone had walked there recently. How could they have missed that?

He opened the door with a shaky hand and got out of the car, he walked to the sheet of iron on wobbly legs. He lifted the edge, exposing a barren square of concrete with a trap door.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The stairs lead to a concrete room, windowless and dark as pitch. He drew out his phone as he descended the stairs, the blue light showed iron rings on the floor, like in the other room. He shuddered. There was a table with... Things... On it.

Reid felt dizzy with the knowledge that the bunker had taken a long time to build, and that if Ferrin had been the one to do it then he had, most likely, been doing this for a long time.

He shone the light up the walls, they were bare, stark grey, but for the shackles at one end of the room, and the limp, naked body hanging from them.

_Oh God._

Everything slowed down, he stumbled forward and the room swirled around him. He dropped the phone. It bounced across the floor and landed, screen up, at her feet.

The woman woke and looked up at him, lifting her head with painful effort. Her eyes were ringed with bruises and red, from days of crying, reflecting his blue light. Terror and disbelief in her expression slowly melting into relief. That spark, that precious, spark of life was still there.

He was vaguely aware that someone was crying. Then he realised it was him.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hotch had rarely moved so fast in his life, Prentiss and Morgan, who had been knocking holes in the upstairs drywall, had seen him though the window, running across the "lawn" and raced downstairs after him.

He ran toward the old shed, and gasped a curse when he saw the open trap door and the dark staircase going down into the earth. He felt sick. Morgan and Prentiss approached quietly. Hotch put up a hand and signalled the officer outside the house, she nodded and rushed inside.

Then they heard the unmistakable echo of a gunshot reverberate up the stairs.

Prentiss produced a flashlight and cautiously descended the stairs. Hotch and Morgan following, guns drawn.

Last time, When she'd found him kneeling in that pool of blood, he'd been catatonic. Prentiss had been shocked by just how paralysed he'd been. Almost as unresponsive as the corpse he'd been sitting with.

Now he was on the floor, his arms wrapped around the naked figure of Harriet Mosley, trying to keep her bruised and violated body off the concrete. He was weeping, sobbing assurances that she was going to be ok. That it was over.

The shackles that had held her to the wall were still around her bloody wrists. But the chain that had held them had been shattered by a bullet. Reid's gun lay abandoned on the ground beside him.

Hotch was screaming something up the stairs and the paramedics rushed in, the room lit up. Morgan had found a light switch. She noted the hose in the corner and the plug in the floor.

The profile was wrong. Sandra hadn't been his first. This room was not the lair of a second time killer. They'd be doing a lot of digging on this land in the near future.

She stood near the stairs. There was suddenly so much crowding and movement in the room that she could do little more than stand and watch, feeling rather numb and useless as the paramedics lifted the semi conscious girl out of Reid's arms and onto a stretcher.

Reid looked on as the stretcher was taken up and out of the room, his expression was almost dreamy. His bloodshot eyes wandered the terrible room for a while and settled on the gun.

Then he did something that chilled her right to the bone, That left her with many questions for a long time afterward. Something that made her, Morgan and Hotch all cry out at once.

He picked up the gun and held it to his head. Just for a moment, just a second of her life, but it felt like eternity. Before Hotch, throwing procedure to the wind, rushed over and grabbed the weapon out of his hand. Reid didn't resist, or try to hold onto it. Just went limp, resigned, and dropped his arm to the ground.

Hotch took out the magazine and threw the gun across the room. Then, crouching in front of Reid. He reached out and slapped him sharply across the face. She saw Morgan flinch at that. That gesture shocked her more than anything. It was a rare thing for Hotch to lose control like that. Reid looked up in surprise, the dreamy, half there expression gone.

" You said it wasn't loaded!" Hotch snapped at him. " You..." He choked on his words and pulled Reid across the floor, into a hug . Reid's shoulders spammed silently as he sobbed into Hotch's chest.

"She's alive." Hotch repeated. "She's alive Reid, that's all that matters."

**End. **

Epilogue to follow.


	9. Chapter 9

**Well, I owe you all an apology for the delay. Illness, a death in the family and work conspired to keep me away. Here is the long LONG awaited epilogue. Thank you for your encouraging reviews, follows and favourites. **

**Epilogue.**

Hotch looked out of the office window. Worried, Reid hadn't shown up for his appointment.

He knew Reid had been going through the motions of therapy while blatantly lying to the physiologist. Reid knew every possible way to trick an assessor. That wasn't the point. He needed him to complete his counselling to get his paperwork done and get him back to work. Or at least back to the bullpen, where he could be watched by the team.

Reid wasn't surprised by Strauss's demand that he get a psych eval.

That's what happened when an agent in the field holds a gun to their own head. Clinical Depression had been the official diagnosis. Luckily for Reid. It meant he didn't have to provide a reason for his behaviour.

He'd obediently attended counselling for three weeks. He'd hung around the office in an unofficial capacity. Hotch had allowed him to do some paperwork.

For the rest of the time Hotch had no idea where he went or what he did. But various member of the team visited him in the evenings. Despite his complaints that they were babying him.

He seemed to be getting better, or at least he had the outward appearance of stability.

But he hadn't shown up this morning and Morgan had gone to his apartment, and found a neatly made bed and very little else. He was searching the place for clues now and would call back ASAP. Hotch wouldn't say anything to the rest of the team yet. No need to worry them.

He tapped his fingers on his phone impatiently.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

If Morgan had had more hair he'd have been tearing it out. He'd rushed around the office, turned Reid's apartment upside down and had double checked through every drawer and closet for some clue, some idea of what might happened. He searched endless books, journals and other academic stuff and files of newspaper clipping from cases they'd worked on. Other than a disturbing lack of pornography, embarrassing photographs or regrettable poetry, he hadn't found anything.

His eyes wandered to the kitchen table. Of course it had been right in front of him, on the sleeping laptop that Reid had left plugged in. He Dialled Hotch.

"Anything?' His boss's voice was pinched with anxiety.

"I know where he went," Morgan replied, relieved.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He met her mother at the door, he was looking a little worse for wear, he hadn't had time to pack anything and his clothes were more wrinkled than usual after the flight and last minute run through the airport.

The woman took it in her stride, after looking him over briefly.

"Dr Reid? ," She said, " You'd better come in." As he entered the house she hugged him, suddenly and hard.

"Thank you." She whispered quickly.

" We can go straight to the hospital if you want Mrs Mosley." Reid told her, not wanting to put the women out with coffee and chat when he had a job to do.

" She's here." The woman said, pointing up the stairs.

"But... you said in your e-mail that..."

" She wasn't doing well in the padded restraints. The doctor discharged her on condition one of us watches her . We're taking it in shifts."

Reid looked shocked. "You must be exhausted."

" We are, but the alternative was committing her and she doesn't need to be locked up again. "

xxxxxxxxxxx

She was in her bed, conscious but groggy from tranquillisers. Her father put down his book and stood to greet Reid and his wife when they entered. He shook the young agents hand warmly.

" So this the man we owe everything to." He said sadly. "Thanks so much..." He swallowed his emotion down " ... _So much_ for coming."

Harriet's mother ushered her tired husband out of the room whispering " We'll be back in half an hour, if you need anything just call."

He smiled at them and nodded, then sat in the arm chair beside the bed. She watched him from under heavy eyelids. Reid realised with a sick feeling , that she actually looked better now than she had in the bunker. Even though she was still pale and thin. The smell of hospital disinfectant and anaesthetic clung to her. Her lower arms were encased by thick rolls of cotton and bandages,

" Harriet?" He said softly. Afraid that his voice would send her back to that terrible place.

When the girl didn't respond he continued.

" Your mom contacted me about what happened on Sunday... "

His voice wavered and he swallowed thickly.

He knew she could hear him , she watched him warily through her eyelashes. He'd seen enough suicide attempts to know she was probably expecting a lecture. He reached out slowly and when she didn't draw away he took her hand between his.

" I'm... I'm so sorry I didn't find you sooner."

He didn't look away or try to hide the tears in his eyes, he looked right at her and she looked back.

"I'm so sorry he did that to you."

" She moved her lips a few times, as if she were trying to speak but was too tired. He leaned in close to hear her.

" S... Sorry." She squeezed her eyes shut. " I,,, I'm the one who should be... Sorry, you were there when I n... Needed you and ... Look how I repaid you." Her voice was a choked whimper.

" Just...Just...I can't get him...I cant get him out of me... I feel like he's all over me."

Reid could think of a dozen ways to reply. He could quote her the statistics on PTSD and unwanted memories, he could tell her that the intense flashbacks would fade, that things would get better and that one day it would be a memory and she wouldn't feel like the monster was living inside her brain.

He thought of Tobias and his gun and his stick... His syringe. He hadn't been raped, thank God, or tortured like he could have been. He shuddered at the memory of Sandra's mutilated, agonised form. How dare he imagine he knew what that woman had been through?

But that _feeling,_ that uneasy feeling for months afterward, that he'd been altered by his experience, that he was different somehow and no one understood.

" I know." He said softly. " I _know_."

She sniffed, turning her face away from him.

" Is there a way of getting passed this?" She asked. For a moment he froze. Reid knew that her future hung on his answer.

" Time." He said. " It's hard and it hurts but... Time, and life, start to fill in the space between you an him."

She stated to sob.

" I don't want to be here any more!" She cried, curling on her side, grabbing the blanket in her fists. " He took everything good out of my life."

" You'll get it back." He said with certainty.

He placed a hand between her shoulder blades and sat with her in silence while she cried. T_his is good._ the psychologist in him thought. _This is catharsis, she's expressing pain in a healthy way instead of... The alternative. _

He would make sure she went to therapy, he would do the same, and no more lying. He would visit her often. She would be ok one day. She would. She would have to be, she owed him her life. Her long, happy life.

And he owed her the same debt.

**FI**


End file.
